Sexy Singles in Your Margin.

I wish facebook would stop asking me if I need a girlfriend.. it KNOWS I do, that's why it keeps asking me. Every single time it puts up a little box in the margin of the screen, parades a girl with rocking tits around and then asks me if I would like a girlfriend. What, do I click yes and she just appears in my broom cupboard (not a euphemism)? No of course not. And this is all presuming that she's just as impossibly attractive as the girl in the picture. Of course if this even did work then it wouldn't be her. The whole thing is equivalent to some toss piece offering you a delicious apple pie (not a euphemism), your agreeing to having some and then him force feeding you a sock he found in the street...not a euphemism.

Essentially what we have here then is soft porn. It's always some young piece of ass posing in some alluring position. She's just a picture, sure, but you can see in her eyes that she is thinking "Go on - touch yourself" - I mean what is this? I can only presume that Facebook shares some monopoly in some porn website, and that it puts up the pictures to get the ball rolling (masturbation wise) for all those idiots stupid enough to have their relationship status set to single! Never satisfied, it throws in capital letters for good measure, as if it's shouting at you, and goes with the lines: 'Want a date TONIGHT? Meet girls like her on True.com and get a date. It's FREE!'. It's so desperate that it might as well be Mike Ashley trying to sell Newcastle up there (apologies to some Newcastle fans). And wow, fucking hell, TONIGHT? You mean, tonight, NIGHT? I'd better put on my going out hair!

I question whether the words and the pictures are even related. Perhaps the words "looking for a girlfriend" or "sexy singles in Canterbury" (God, it scares me whenever the computer knows where I am) are mere coincidence. It could be a completely innocent question, a service that facebook is offering me because I'm lonely. Which means the girls could actually be real life beautiful women, who are also infamous computer hackers! They've seen me around and like the cut of my jib (this is a euphemism) so they have hacked into my facebook account and are trying to seduce me every day with their very sexiest pictures - and here I am, ignoring them, and coming up with cynical, crackpot theories about facebook, and invasions of privacy and advertising - God I've been such a boob! Girls have boobs; and I have facebook. So in many ways, I have boobs. This could be the start of a beautiful relationship with myself. Thank the Lord for facebook and it's advertisements that have been specifically tailored to me using my information. WELL YOU LOSE AGAIN PROFESSOR. NETWORK, BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN THROUGH YOUR EVIL PLANS, AND HAVE EMERGED VICTORIOUS, AS A PERPETUALLY ALONE MALE, ha-HA!